Jerry, you need to find god
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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