what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
