I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
