My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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