my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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