i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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