I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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