I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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