i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
