I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I wish you could order shots online.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
