So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Also, beer. Big fan.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
