I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
