We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
