dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
