...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
