I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
