I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
