My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
