On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I supernannyed him into submission
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize