Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
