goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
