I just made out with a guy for $7.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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