I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
