i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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