Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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