Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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