So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
