This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
