I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
