I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
