before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
she told me i tasted like america
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
