I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
