Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
