I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
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