and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
