My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
