her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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