Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
