listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
