im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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