you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
