Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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