I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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