You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
