Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
