The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
