mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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