She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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