either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
