I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
