If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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