i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
