Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
