when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
